I Have Some Explaining To Do!

I've been asked to explain a little bit of our past. When readers skim through my profile, they notice words like BRAIN SURGERY and STROKE. Some are asking what the heck that means. If you are wondering that too, I will try to fill you in.

WARNING: The next few posts maybe long ones, and may be broken into multiple entries (depending on how tired my fingers get at any given "story-typing" session).

These four entries will all be posted on Monday, but take up four days of posting. Tune in again Friday for another dose of Friday Farm Favorites.

The BRAIN SURGERY is my story. Since that happened first in our series of life-changing events, I will start with that one.....

I served a mission in Quebec. From the time I left for Canada, I felt "punky". Tired, worn-out, moody, and suffering with nasty headaches. I tried to forget about it and chalk it up to adjusting to a new lifestyle. Then, in the wee hours of the morning when things were quiet and I was reading my scriptures on an empty stomach. I started to hear a wierd sound. A squeaking. It was coming from inside my head. Although this had nothing to do with my tumor diagnosis, it scared me enough to finally talk to my second field companion (who I had only known for about 3 weeks). By the way, Jill....thanks for not laughing when I said I was hearing noises inside my head. I felt so silly.

Long story short.....
I went to about 3 or 4 doctors and each one of them was baffled. I explained how eventhough stuff didn't match up, I felt like there was something wierd going on. Each one of them pushed me off. I was treated like a hypo-chondriac. One doctor even said, "Do you really want to be out on your mission, or do you want to go home?" I think my response started something like, "How DARE you......" I started to feel guilty. "I should be teaching people, not worrying about myself. Maybe it really isn't anything."

Later, I found myself compies with a girl from England. Out-spoken, sassy, and fun, we worked really hard together. One day we were scheduled to have interviews with the Mission President (just a regular thing to do every few months). I had been holding my secret "noises in my head" to myself for too long. As I sat down accross from President S he asked, "So how are things going?" I shook my head yes and smiled. I tried to be brave, but I broke. I cried and sobbed and the tears flowed down my cheeks. "Everyone thinks I'm crazy. I can't explain it, I just feel like there's something wrong."

Pres. S whipped out his cell phone and called Salt Lake City. Just like that! He talked to the Missionary Health Department and scheduled a conference call the next morning. Then, he called in my compie, who was concerned and supportive when she saw my eyes all puffy and red. i was so silly not to want to "burden" her with my secret. She wasn't burdened at all.

The next morning the phone rang and I experienced my first conference call. I talked with President S, the Head of Missionary Health, and a Doctor. With everyone listening, I explained how I felt weird. Nothing matched up. "Well," responded the fatherly voice of the physician, "let's just take a picture of your head and see if we see anything. I have no idea right now what it could be." Whether I was making it up or not, the world was about to know for sure.

I went in for the MRI and eventhough I do not have problems with small spaces, I felt like I was going to develop one as they rolled me into the tube. The loud noises of the machine were STILL audible as I rocked out to Mozart.

A week later I received a phone call from a Doctor in Montreal.

"Well, we DID find something.....on your Pituitary Gland."

"What is it?"

His answers were vague, but by the end of the conversation I found out I was scheduled for blood work to check out my hormones. I asked for a copy of the reports....All of them. The answer I kept getting was, "Take this back to the states and show your doctor there."

At one point, I took all the results to a nurse who was a member of our church. "Will you please tell me what this means? I don't understand this kind of medical terminology." She looked over the results. She got very quiet. She shook her head as if she understood the results. With concern in her eyes she said, "Promise you will take care of this after your mission."

"Okay," I insisted, "But what does 'macroadenoma' mean? Is it a Tumor?"

She stayed consistent, "Promise you will take care of this after your mission."

("Oh, great," I thought to myself, "I still don't have any answers and now I'm WAY more stressed out then I was before since nobody will tell me what this means.")

For information on the Pituitary, click HERE.

Pituitary-Part II

I came home at the very end of Febuary. I wasn't scheduled to come home them, but I had received a phone call late one fridged Canadian night from Pres. S, telling me he had received a call from Stanford Medical Center in California.

"Your mom is dieing. You need to decide if you're going to go home or stay in the mission field."

(That's a-whole-nother story to tell some other time.) After talking to my mom, and then the Pres., and then God....I decided to go. I was flying out of Montreal via "emergency transfer" within 10 hours (the next morning). I laid in the bed with my mom as she passed. It was 7 years ago this year.

Shortly after her passing, I moved to Utah to start a new life. I worked at a Cosmetology school teaching about Hair and Esthetics (skin). I also worked at a salon. I also taught figure skating at the Ice Rink in Provo. I tried to stay busy working my three jobs and trying to forget about all the new stuff that scared me.

One day, out of the blue, for no reason at all, I told one of my students (who I barely knew) about the noises in my head. I started the conversation off with, "So, do you want to hear about something freaky?" I almost fell off my chair when she said, "I've heard that too....here's the number for my doctor." That was great, since I didn't HAVE a doctor yet.

I called the number and went in for my appointment. I never actually met Dr. M, I met with his Nurse Practitioner. I brought all my results from Montreal and after reviewing them, she scheduled the follow-up MRI and bloodwork. I was relieved.

Once again, a week later, I received a phone call. It was Dr. M's office. I received the call while I was at the school.

"Hi Nancy, this is Dr. M's office. I'm just calling to let you know your MRI looks fine."

"Fine? Uh, do you have the right results?"

"Of course I DO!" (It sounded like I hit a nerve)

"Well, then, how's the 'MACROADENOMA?" I said with an Irish-blooded 'sassy-pants' attitude.

"OH. Uh, Hold on......" (I waited on hold for what seemed like half the day) ...."Yes, uh, Nancy," her voice was fast and nervous "you have a tumor. Dr. M is scheduling you with a Neurosurgeon so he can schedule you for brain surgery. Just wait for a call from the Neurosurgeon's office."

"WHAT?" but that was the end of our encounter. Somehow the assumption, "Oh, she must be new" works very well at a restaurant. However, it does NOT help when you have just been told you have a BRAIN TUMOR!

I wish I were embellishing this for story-telling purposes, but I am being completely serious....this IS how the conversation went....which is why I hung up the phone and burst into tears. My co-workers circled around me like a bunch of Mother Hens and tried to pep me up, without really knowing what to say.

Within 30 minutes, I got the call. It was Dave, another Nurse Practitioner. Dave is my Hero. I loved him from the first moment I heard his voice. "Nancy, This is Dave. How are you doing with this? Do you have any questions I could help you with?"

(Exact words:)

"Yes, uh, Dave...Am I going to die?"

Dave was strong and reassuring and by the end of our conversation I knew that even if it WAS cancerous (we wouldn't know until they removed it and biospsied it) I was going to FIGHT!"

Within a few days I was sitting across the desk from Dr. Reichman, who's signiture should be followed with the word "Genius".

"So," I inquired, "What would happen if I DIDN'T have brain surgery?"

"Well, the tumor is affecting your prolactin, but more importantly, your levels of Human Growth Hormone (HGH). Plus, it is obviously growing. If we do NOT do something about this now, you will develop Acromegaly. (See picture above.) All your soft tissues will expand, you will develop severe Oseteoporosis and premature Diabetes. Then, as the tumor grows, you will loose your vision as it presses against your optic nerve...and then you will die of Congestive Heart Failure. Sometimes, the tumor will Hemmorrage first and THAT will kill you."

I pictured all this stuff happening to me and what an absolute beauty I would become. Within two seconds I followed his response up with, "SO! When is surgery?"

Pituitary-Part III

I went to the hospital at 5:30 am. I had asked to be the first patient of the day, and hoped that all the people who were going to be cutting my head open that morning had enjoyed a restfull night's sleep. I was also hoping that nobody was going through any relationship break-ups or emotional issues. I made sure I was nice to EVERYONE and spoke with them pleasently. I believed these were important things to remember when walking into Brain Surgery!

Everyone was very nice and spoke quietly. My Anesthesiologist was from Sweden and was a kind and gentle man. He was also very tall. While in the Pre-Op room, I met a lady in her 40's.

"What are you in here for?"

(I felt for a second like I was in a prison movie.) "Uh, Pituitary Tumor."

"Hey! I had one of those! I'm in here for a hip replacement."

She was obviously young for a new hip, so my mind raced back to Dr Reichman's comment about Pituitary Tumors and "Osteoporosis". I tried to clear my mind and relax, but it wasn't going to happen.

It was finally my turn. Dr. "Sweden" came in and walked next to my bed as it rolled down to the surgical room.

The Surgical room was VERY cold. I looked around and saw half-a-dozen busy people wearing greenish-blue scrubs. I saw TV monitors and tables full of stainless steel implements with sharp edges, lined up like soldiers. They moved me over onto the cold metal table and started strapping me down. Then, they wrapped linen blankets around my body from the neck down. Suddenly, Dr. Reichman appeared by my head and I knew for sure that I was in the right place.

In a moment of controlled panic, my mind got a little irrational and I asked, "You're going to put me out for this, right?"

I think they realized then, that eventhough this was an everyday thing for them, it was a new experience for ME and I didn't want to see the pointy implements or feel the freezing cold metal table on my back anymore. Dr. Sweden started the juice into my I.V. I laughed as the room spun. My voice sounded like a third-grader as I playfully proclaimed, "I'm going to keep my eyes open for as long as I can!"

Dr. Sweden grinned behind his mask. His voice sang, "You can fight it, but you won't wi-in."

I TRIED to say, "I know, but I'm going to try," but unfortunately it sounded more like, "I....."

They made the inscision inside my mouth, under my top lip. They went through my sinuses, so when I woke up I had a mouth full of stitches, a face full of bruises, and 12 feet of gauze packed into my sinus cavity.

I also learned that they clamped my head down, because I woke up with scabs on my scalp. I'm SO glad I wasn't conscious for that part!

The worst part of recovery was not being able to close my mouth (You can't breath AT ALL when you have 12 feet of gauze packed in your sinus cavity), AND I could only drink a certain amount of liquids a day after surgery. I have never before been so thirsty or had my thoughts completely consumed by when I could take my next mouthfull of ice chips. (I had to ration my ice chips since they counted as liquid.) I have never felt the same about a glass of water since.

Pituitary-Part IV

After recovering from surgery, my hormones tested out to be within "acceptable range". I was also able to get pregnant with Hayden, which is another good indication of being "Tumor Free". The biopsy came back negative. The tumor was non-cancerous.

2 1/2 years later, I walked into work at the Cosmetology school and one of my co-workers ran up to me. "Nancy! Kevyn Aucoin died of a pituitary tumor....like the one you had!" I was shocked. Kevin was a well-known Hollywood make-up artist who's books she and I collected. It haunted me for the rest of the day.

Sometimes I feel like I am able to have a glimpse of what "could have happend" and it's humbling. My life was saved. That's an amazing realization to have.

I'm supposed to go back once a year to get poked with needles and take pictures of my brain, just to be safe. I'm about three years over-due, so I'm hoping to get that done within the next few months. I'll keep you posted.

There are a few lessons I've learned and a BUNCH of miracles that I was blessed with along the way. Let's review:

1.) Listen to your body. Don't let anyone brush you off if you have a feeling something isn't right. Pay attention to red flags that pop up in your mind because it doesn't HAVE to make sense. If you're worried about something, check it out until your mind is at ease (whether something ends up being wrong or not).

2.) Miracle: I didn't have a lot of the symptoms of a pituitary tumor. It was found so early that the sypmtoms hadn't really manifested themselves yet. I DID have the feeling before my MRI that it was something hormonal, but there wasn't anything yet to back it up. How did I get those feelings? Maybe someone was trying to help me from "the other side". (Just my opinion) All in all, the tumor was considered to be found "by accident".

3.) Miracle: Why did I all-of-a-sudden spill my guts out to a student that I didn't even know yet? Not sure, but she led me to Dr. M. I found out later that Dr. M. ALSO had a pituitary tumor and was treated by his personal friend, Dr. Reichman. Dr. Reichman ended up being one of the Neurosugeons who pioneered micro-surgery and helped map the brain in the 80's. (If someone has to get THAT close to my brain, I want it to be THAT guy!)

It was a scary and strange experience, and I hope I never have to do anything more than give some of my blood and take a picture of my brain. I realized that although I try to live a clean life and do what's right, stuff still happens, and that's okay. If you expect life to be fair, you're going to feel cheated...it's not worth it. Despite this occurence, I know that I am loved by more than just the people on earth. I'm also a child of God, and He is there to help us during those difficult times if we look for it. He won't necessarily take it away, but He will help us carry it. I also learned, that nomatter what, I can get through it....and so could you.