Speak Your Language

There's a book that I think EVERYONE should read:

"Understanding the Five Love Languages."

I'm not much of a reader when it comes to fiction, but give me something that promises to give insight and understanding into how people "tick" and I'm there! (Which is why I still think I should have studied more Psychology in college.)

Anyway, the jist is that we all have a Love Language: a way in which we feel loved, appreciated and validated. Everyone is different, however, and the problem comes when we try to make someone else feel loved by speaking OUR love language to them when they might be speaking a different Love language. (Sort of like verbal language: I speak French and when I'm communicating with a French-speaker I have to speak French to them even though MY native language is English. If I speak English, then they won't benefit from our interaction; they won't "get it.") Validating others comes when we are able to comunicate love to them by speaking THEIR language.

*NOTE: This can be true with (and applied to) ALL relationships: Spouses, Friends, Family Members, etc.

I'm hoping this will come in handy when my kids hit the teenage years.  I want them to trust me and to feel like I "get them," without compromising the parent-child relationship.  I don't want to just become their "buddy," I want them to know we love them yet still respect our role and responsibilty as their parents. Tough? Yes. Impossible? I don't think so. I had that relationship with my mom. She really seemed to understand how to speak my language and I'm willing to give it a try with my own kids.

The five basic Love Languages are:
1. Quality Time
2. Physical Touch
3. Acts of Service
4. Gifts
5. Words of Affirmation

And so, my quest to discover Hayden's Love Language begins.

*          *           *

The other morning I repeated the usual morning routine, which included packing the metal Spiderman lunch box. With a few extra minutes to spare I suddenly thought of an idea. I pulled out a piece of red construction paper (nothing too girlie), cut out a heart with the kitchen shears and jotted-down a little note to Hayden. Smiling at the thought of him discovering my little love note during lunch, I taped it to the inside of the lid. I closed it up and slipped the box into his backpack without him noticing.

After he disappeared, I wondered if my little surprise would make a difference in his day. Would he think of me during his busy schedule of practicing letters, building with wooden blocks and playing cowboys and horses? Would he know that I'm thinking of him when he is away? Would he remember?

Ben picked Hayden up from school and apparently heard all about it during the ride home. In fact, he asked me about it as soon as we saw each other again. "Um, what did you do to Hayden's lunch? He keeps talking about it." I smiled again, confident that my little "love-reminder-plan" was working.

Later that evening, Hayden stood by the sink as I washed his lunch box.

"Mom, will you give me another one of those notes in my lunch tomorrow?" he asked sincerely. How could I resist?

....and so (of course) I did:

PS: My little note would fit under the category "Words of Affirmation"